Decision to Travel The Road Forward

So we have finally decided to travel the road even if we have to travel alone.
Heavenward we walk. we go. We prepare to lead others as we follow
the path that Christ has set for thee before His death at Calvary.
I will live this life abundantly with the grace and love God’s given me.~Poem by Quinta Nicole

The person that you see or talk to today is not the person that I set out to be, but it is a better me, a wiser me, a humbled me, a stronger me, the real me, the me that God created me to be. Though I'm far from perfect and will always be under construction, I can now say that I am traveling the correct road. I am moving forward directed by God not driven by life. It has been 10 months and 4 days since the passing of my son. Since the day that I lost Tre' and myself. These past 10 months I have been struggling to live, struggling to face people, face myself, face God, and face life. Outside of intimate moments with God, my dogs have been the most comfort to me simply because they don't talk. They just bark and feel. They feel my pain better than the average person. I can always trust that they will never say the right thing at the wrong time. They will allow me to pick them up, hug them, dress them, and care for their needs. They are not anything close to my little man. Not in the same category period. But in some weird way they have helped me to survive. My love for pets gave me the push I needed to get out of bed every morning and walk them and feed them when all I wanted to do was die. When I didn't want to look to God because I knew He wanted me to live. This gave me the strength to eventually care for others including small children. Although the pain is still there, God has strengthened me to move forward in spite of it, and when I am weak He carries me. When I am too scared He pushes me and provides the wind I need to fly high on wings as eagles. I will continue to move forward not backwards or in any other direction. I will trust in my God whom makes no mistakes, and I will make sure that my husband does too. That was part of the commitment I made to my son when we laid him to rest. That was the commitment I made to God when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and when I agreed to love my husband in our marriage vows. In moving forward I will never forget about my son. In moving forward I celebrate his life. It sucks, and it hurts ohhhhhh sooooooooo very badly. It's very unfortunate, but in the midst of the hurt, his death has been the catalyst for restoration in my family, dreams, visions, faith, and true love of God. I don't understand why all this couldn't take place and he still be here with me, but I don't ask why. I accept it and I trust God. It's crazy but his death has opened the door for my rebirth in Christ. I have stopped fighting the process and just really started resting in God, and that is exactly what has started taking place. 2010 has been my year of pain but also my year of Restoration. 2011 will be my year of Rebirth as my husband and I continue moving forward.