Remembering My Commitment

I used to love to write. As a little girl, I would write poems, short stories, children's books, essays, music. I don't know what happened but I just stopped. When my son past, I needed an outlet so I started to write again. I was at work when he past so, I never really officially got a chance to say goodbye. I just knew I would see him when I got home. When I left that morning he was playing in his daddy's arms. For days and weeks after, every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face. I heard his laugh or his cry. I longed to smell and touch his baby soft skin. I wanted to give up so many times. There were so many days I just felt like dying because I was tired of crying. Tired of the hurt and pain I felt inside from him leaving. There were so many days that my faith almost left me. Then I remembered the commitments that I made to God, to my husband, and to my son. When he was alive there were a lot of things I wouldn't say or do in front of him, because I knew he was watching me. Now he's always watching me. I remember telling him just days before he past, "Tre' if you don't learn anything else from mommy learn to live by your faith. Get to know God and Jesus for yourself. That's what my mommy taught me, and that's what I'm gonna teach you". We would read the bible and pray together daily. I was just trying to get an early start on being a good mom. Little did I know that, I was being prepared and strengthened for the battle of my life. Living by my faith is not an option. It never was, but this decision is no longer just a thought but it's being worked out in my reality. I know my son is watching me. Even more so I now have a constant reminder that God is watching me. Losing my son gave me an ever present hope in heaven because Tre' took a part of me with him. After he past away, I wrote a poem for him from my heart. To this day, I carry a copy with me in my purse everywhere I go. When I feel weak in faith or need a reminder of what I'm doing in life. I remember my commitment. I read my poem. As tears role from my eyes, I pray, I exhale, and I look to the hills from which cometh my help to give me the strength to move forward. Below you will find the poem I wrote and read to my son when we buried him. It was the first thing I had written in a long time.


A Poem From Mommy

Tre’
Hi Momma’s Baby
Hey Daddy’s little man
Hi It’s Mommy
Yeah It’s Mommy
It hurts to let you go
Oh how very very much I love you so
But God truly knows what’s best
As we gather to lay you down to rest
It is God who gives us power
To endure separation at this hour
My commitment to you my son
Is that Gods Will will continue to be done
I will continue to live my life
As if yours had just begun.
I will love
I will pray
I will laugh
I will encourage
I will smile
I will lead
I will teach
I will dance
I will sing

I will praise
I will worship
Our God whom makes no mistakes
All these things I will continue to do
And I will make sure daddy does it too.
We will make you and our God proud
As you take on the task
To watch over us now
Oh our little Angel
Our big baby boy
We will see you again one day
And don’t forget to say
When we approach the gates of Heaven
Hey Jesus that’s my mommy and daddy
Please let them come in
Hugs and Kisses
Mmmmwwaaa how I’ll miss ya
Tre’ continue to be a good boy
An awesome baby
We love you
We will see you later
Rest In Peace Our Baby Boy
Love always and forever
Mommy