Yay !!!! It's My Birthday!!!!

Today is my birthday, and I'm excited just to be living. I appreciate the small things in life now more than ever. My life is far from perfect, but it's good because I choose to  be positive and walk in faith. I appreciate my good times and my bad because I am fully persuaded that all things work together for my good. I may not like some of life's twists and turns, but I know that together the end result is always good. This time last year I really didn't care about it being my birthday. I was so hurt that I didn't see the point of life after the pain of losing my son. I didn't want him to go, but I obviously didn't have a choice. Even in the hospital after they pronounced his death, I screamed, I cried, I grabbed the doctor's face and looked in her eyes for some last sign of hope that it just wasn't so. But it was. People everywhere were  praying: in the hospital, on my job, on the road, in their homes. I had been praying too, but I always ended every prayer with God's will be done. Having my son taught me the importance of being selfless in my prayers. I was really just starting to learn how to walk in God's love.  Real love. Even when I didn't feel like it, the Spirit of God always led me back to a desire for God's will to be done on Earth as it is in heaven. I remember telling someone  in the hospital that I was selfish and that I wanted my son so bad, but if it was God's will to take him, then I just had to trust Him.God's peace swarmed in upon me like a flood. Sometimes I still don't believe that was me or this is me even when I look at where I am now, but when I wake up and Tre' is not here growing before my eyes every day, I know this is real. This is my reality. I used to make a big deal about my birthday and count down in February. I used to make wish lists. I used to celebrate the entire month of March because people were short on the 1st due to bills LOL. This year I just want to live and I celebrate living every day! That's huge because last year I just wanted to die. The joy of the LORD has strengthened me to this point. Because I have life on the day that I received life (life being the greatest gift one can receive)-Today is a wonderful day.  Happy birthday me! : )