Lessons In Godly Trust/ Facing Anxiety Head On

Even though I'm starting this blog post a day after the event, I don't know when it will be published because we just need a moment to recuperate and take it all in.  Then again maybe I'll be writing more just to help me think clearly. I don't know. Yesterday was a very difficult day for us and writing tends to help me sort things out. This is the short version. Yesterday 6/7/11 started out normal with us waking up to prepare for my first Zumba class. I read some psalms and prayed then I went to eat breakfast. After I finished my cereal I noticed my husband wasn't moving around. I thought he went back to sleep so I went to check on him and found him praying. He's always been a praying man so I gave him his space, but I noticed that he was praying a lot longer than usual.  After we finished getting ready, I was actually 5 minutes late for class. Since it's a small class no one seemed to mind. Afterward, we came back home and I let the dogs out. Then I decided to cut the grass. I know most people think that's crazy with me being pregnant and all, my husband thought the same thing.  But I had a little energy after class and it was still pretty cool. I only cut the front yard so they won't send us a notice in the mail, and it didn't take that long. I barely broke a sweat. Something in me wanted to make things easier for my husband. Usually by the time its cool enough to cut the grass in the evenings after he gets off, we are winding down and spending quiet time together. That's when I really just want his undivided attention. I noticed it was taking him longer to get ready for work than usual. Looking back it reminds me of how I am when I know I'm about to go through a test, but I don't know exactly what it is. As he was leaving I was sweeping the grass out of the driveway and we stopped to pray one more time but together. I pray for different things each day but this day though I didn't want to be selfish, I prayed that God send his Spirit before us to prepare a way of peace, love, safety, and joy. I prayed that He put a hedge of protection around us to keep us safe from hurt, harm, or danger. I prayed for His will to be done in our lives. I prayed for others, and I prayed in the name of Jesus. Less than an hour later, I received a shocking phone call that my husband was hit in a car accident. My heart starting pounding ferociously as I grabbed my purse and shoes and headed for the door. The emergency team would not let him get out of the car so he asked a woman on the scene to get his cell phone and call me.The lady called me and said it was pretty bad and that it looked like he was going to have to go to the hospital. The police officer said it was minor compared to other accidents he's seen, but that they were going to take him to the ER to make sure. My husband was conscious, but I would have to wait till we got to the hospital to see him. I was instructed to follow the ambulance, and as I did so, I couldn't help but think that he knew or felt something was going to happen all morning and that's why he prayed so hard. This time last year hearing or seeing an ambulance would send me into a state of anxiety, shortness of breathe, heartache,and crying after hearing and seeing the ambulance arrive with my son before hearing him pronounced dead at the hospital. Now I faced another ambulance head on, carrying the love of my life just a little over a year later. All I had to go on was the lady on the phones report. I was just in shock trying to stay calm through everything. I believe reading Psalms 34 that morning helped a lot. When I was finally allowed to see my husband, he was laid out on a hospital bed with a neck brace. He could barely talk or move b/c of the pain, but he looked up at me. I was so happy to be staring at his body still filled with life. He told me he was ok just in pain and it helped to ease my anxiety a little. Hours  later he was functioning better and released from the hospital on pain meds. No broken bones or major scars, just bruised and banged up a bit. His car is gone, but he is okay and that's all that matters to me. Material things can be replaced, loved ones can't. I can't help but wonder what if we didn't take the time to stop and pray? Sometimes things can seem so bad in our lives, but God has already went ahead of us to work it out. We just have to trust Him. Every now and again we may need to change our perspective to be able to recognize that fact. Things won't always turn out the way we expect. They might not be the way we want it when we want it, but God is in control. I guess Godly trust has become our testimony as we continue to move forward.

Psalms 34:7

~The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.