I'm Coming Out: Part 1

So last night in Walmart. My sister went in the kids section to get my niece some long johns for winter. I was pushing my niece in the cart behind her, and all of a sudden my sister disappeared. As I continued to search for my sister I found myself lost in the baby section. I was surrounded with infant clothes. Some of the outfits looked identical to the outfits that my son wore weeks before his passing. I tried to find my way out of the section as my niece began to sing the Mommy song and a baby near by began to cry. I felt myself having a moment, abandoned trying to follow my sister, and immediately rushed to the electronics section to my dad. I went to the bathroom to pull myself together and pray. I called my husband, and he told me not to hold it in. Holding it in would only make it worse. I managed to make it to the car before my niece began the mommy song again. Realizing that I would never hear those words from Tre', I burst into tears and sobs. Man it felt good to cry. I needed that. I miss my son, but I know he is in a better place. I am thankful for the times we did have together, because God didn't have to give me that. With that knowledge I am able to move forward past the pain. When I got home I was extremely silent as I reflected on where I am. Healing and restoration is definitely taking place. I thought on the preachers message. We must choose to walk through the valley of darkness. We can't make a condo or home there. My spirit tells me that it's time. It's time to gather my belongings and pack my bags including, the wonderful memories of Tre'. It's time to move forward from a period of darkness into God's marvelous light, fulfilling my purpose on Earth. No person could tell me it was time for this, because if they tried, I would probably go postal on them. Hey I'm still a work in progress. Grieving is a process and every person has their own process and timing of grieving and healing. The important thing is that we learn to grieve well, and that we are surrounded by a healthy support group that can respect our process. The Spirit of God within me tells me it's time, and He has prepared me for this time. Never again will I cry tears of pain over the loss of my son. Only tears of joy because God chose me to give birth to an awesome baby boy. My baby boy who is right where I want to be one day: with Jesus. I Hope in God, I love in God, and I'm moving forward with God. I'm Coming Out!