I Won't Complain

All of my good days outweigh my bad days so I won't complain. That's the jist of where I am right now. Yesterday was the anniversary for my son's death, and my husband and I are doing better than expected. We celebrate his conception and his life so for us it was like any other day. Life without Tre' is not easy but we refuse to allow it to be any harder than it has to be by focusing on the good times even though they were few and the promises that lie ahead. Even though we are in a better place mentally and emotionally our bodies are still cognitive of the pain we felt this time last year. My husband, Greg, started getting really sick around Wednesday or Thursday and I started having chest pains. I remember telling Greg how much my heart hurt after losing my baby and how I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. So Friday I started having these heart wrenching chest pains and I didn't understand why. My dates run together so even though I knew it was Friday I wasn't cognitive of the fact that it was the 11 until I received an email. Then it all started to make sense. Our bodies had physical memory of the trauma we experienced this time last year so we decided to take it easy for a couple of days. We spent time praying, healing, and relaxing. We conducted ourselves how we would if Tre' were still here.  I even went and did Zumba which was really fun. Today we went to church and the pastor sung the same song I heard at my nephews Christening the Sunday after Tre's death, "I Won't Complain." Last year as the psalmist sung, tears rolled down my face as I sat quietly with a broken heart. Today when I heard the song, tears filled my eyes but then didn't fall as I sat smiling with a heart that is mending. On the row in front of me there were 2 women with babies, and the crying and cooing didn't bother me or trigger any other emotions. All I felt was thankfulness. Time didn't heal these wounds.The Spirit of the Living God did. He's been more than good to me. I have no complaints.

Below is a Youtube video of the song I Won't Complain. Anytime I feel a complaint or negative emotion start to rise in me I think about how good God has been to me and a change just comes over me. When I focus on the greatness of God, all of my good days outweigh my bad days.